


Issue 0-21

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-31
Updated: 2006-03-31
Packaged: 2019-02-02 16:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12730002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: A series of newspaper articles about the SGC.





	Issue 0-21

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

Staff Note: Since we are still negotiating for the release of our fearless leader Ladyhawk from the Gingerbread men (see previous issue's staff note) I once again have take up the reigns and written this week's issue. In other words, the fic monster bit me.

PLOT BUNNIES RUN RAMPANT THROUGH CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN By Meritsekhmet

Colorado Springs, CO-Personnel were forced to evacuate from Cheyenne Mountain after an infestation of what are being called "plot bunnies."

"I had a girlie moment. I'm allowed to have them every so often," said Colonel Samantha Carter, least girlie member of SG-1. "At least it wasn't the fuzzy pink unicorn. It wouldn't follow me back to the Gate." Col. Carter smuggled in a single plot bunny, which could be described as resembling a fuzzy Peeps Bunny. "I thought it was harmless at first. It was just so cute, and fuzzy. I kept in a desk drawer and fed it Hershey's Kisses. It cooed whenever I fed it. I thought it was harmless."

Col. Carter kept the plot bunny hidden in her desk until Dr. Daniel Jackson discovered it. "I ran out of chocolate. I went looking for more, and the first place I usually look is Sam's desk," said Dr. Jackson, the most caffeinated man in the galaxy. "I opened one of the desk drawers and found nothing but wrappers. Someone had already raided the drawer. Then I noticed something moving in the back of the drawer. I pulled it completely open to see what was hiding back there. This yellow fuzzy thing jumped out of the drawer and attacked me!"

"We couldn't find Daniel," said General Jack O'Neill, Dr. Jackson's second favorite dessert after anything chocolate. "I was walking down one of the corridors when I heard whimpering coming from a maintenance closet. There was Daniel, hiding in a corner muttering something about "bunnies," "The aliens made me do it!" and something about Carter. When I told him I was looking for him 'cause I was going to buy him a rabbit, he screamed and ran out of the closet."

Once freed, the plot bunny began reproducing at an alarming rate. After only a few hours, there were reports of yellow, pink, purple, and blue bunny shaped things all over the base. Plot bunnies were found under desks, hiding behind the Gate, and falling out of vents in the ceiling. Reports of bad plots soon followed the sightings. The "nuclear war and nobody's left" plot, the "I love you and want to marry you and have your kids" plot, and sickly-sweet holiday events were the most common.

General O'Neill contacted Thor for aid in the removal of the plot bunnies before they did any serious harm. "Isn't there a Klingon ship you can send these things too? Thor answered with 'What is a Klingon?' They were no help, despite the many times we had pulled their little grey butts out of the fire." With the plot bunny infestation spiraling out of control, General O'Neill ordered personnel to begin evacuation of the base.

Finally a plan to rid the base of the invading plot bunnies formed. Poison plot carrots were left at certain points throughout the base. This poison was specifically designed to work on the plot bunny. "The poison interacts with the gelatinous body chemistry making them swell up and burst like balloons," explained Col. Carter. Only a few were left behind. General O'Neill took care of the survivors by wasting them with a fire extinguisher. General O'Neill was unavailable to ask why he chose the fire extinguisher as he was busy licking the gelatinous goo from the exploding bunnies off of Dr. Jackson.


End file.
